


A Wizard's Wizard

by thequidditchpitch_archivist



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe, Comedy, Post-War, Romance, The Quidditch Pitch: Eternity
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-10-04
Updated: 2009-10-04
Packaged: 2018-10-26 15:32:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,745
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10789512
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thequidditchpitch_archivist/pseuds/thequidditchpitch_archivist
Summary: Pansy Parkinson! Ron Weasley! Misinterpretations, misunderstandings, sabotage, and intrigue!Or if you prefer the original summary: Meet Pansy Parkinson, a young witch with a desire to help her friends at any cost, even to the point of sabotaging her own happiness. Misinterpretations ensue.Did I mention misinterpretations? And sabotage!





	A Wizard's Wizard

**Author's Note:**

> Note from Annie, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [The Quidditch Pitch](http://fanlore.org/wiki/The_Quidditch_Pitch), which went offline in 2015 when the hosting expired, at a time I was not able to renew it. I contacted Open Doors, hoping to preserve the archive using an old backup, and began importing these works as an Open Doors-approved project in April 2017. Open Doors e-mailed all authors about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact us using the e-mail address on [The Quidditch Pitch collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/thequidditchpitch/profile).

 

Pansy Parkinson fancied Ron Weasley.  
  
Pansy Parkinson thought Ron Weasley was homosexual.  
  
Although this seems unlikely a few things did lead her to this conclusion.  
  
\---  
  
The First Thing.  
  
Three weeks ago Pansy saw a blushing Ron Weasley holding hands with an unfamiliar man in Diagon Alley. A man of quite average stature and build, with mousy brown hair, wearing a brown suit and brown hat. Remarkable only for being wholly unremarkable, except for the holding hands with Ron Weasley bit. This mystery man then kissed Ron's cheek, at which point the shocked Ms Parkinson dipped into a shop, Morlin's Pants, Socks, and Ties for the Modern Wizard, to avoid being seen by the _couple_ , her eyes wide and heart racing.  
  
Dear reader likely requires more explanation on this point.  
  
Nymphadora Tonks, still in disguise from an Auror mission, had bet Ron that she could make him blush within half a minute. Foolishly, for making Ron Weasley blush is no great task, he agreed.  
  
Pansy, in haste, did not discover how the rest of the scene played out– _Sod off, Tonks!_ –which would have made things clear and prevented continuing misunderstandings. Incidentally, Pansy _did_ , however, discover that, despite the name, Morlin's Pants, Socks, and Ties for the Modern Wizard did not appear to be the type of shop that modern wizards would shop at; in fact, all stock appeared to be at least a century old and, by the dust and smell of old, scarcely touched in all that time.  
  
\---  
  
The Second Thing.  
  
The events in Diagon Alley played themselves over and over again in Pansy's mind, keeping her awake far later than she really would have preferred. After four days (and three nights) of this she decided that it was best to just ask Ron, whatever little flights of fancy her imagination had taken in the past. Overanalyzing things like fingers brushing, nay _lingering_ , over her hand when reaching for some bureaucratic parchment or other only lead down the path to disappointment. She had always known Ron Weasley was a man's man, a wizard's wizard. She had merely failed to understand the degree to which he was predisposed to the masculine gender. There was also that old witch's tale about the youngest brother in a family with many wizards. And he always had been _very_ close to Harry Potter.  
  
Mind resolute, she decided to discretely ask him at work at the next opportunity, which turned out to be at half ten the following morning.  
  
Pansy sauntered into Ron's office, swinging her hips perhaps more than was necessary. Was she mistaken or did his eyes seem to follow the back and forth movement? Why had she taken so much time to make sure her hair was _just so_ this morning? Never mind, thought Pansy, suddenly feeling rather foolish, she was here for a reason.  
  
"Yes?" asked Ron, blue eyes meeting hers.  
  
Pansy took a deep breath.  
  
"Ron," she stated. "You like Harry Potter, right?"  
  
"Err, yeah," he said. "He's my best mate."  
  
"I mean you _really_ like him."  
  
"Uh, sure." Ron's brows furrowed. "Harry's a great guy. Anybody'd be lucky to have him for friend."  
  
"Of course." Pansy smiled. "You two have always been very close, even back in school."  
  
"Course we have," Ron said, nodding adamantly. "Well, there was that one time in Fourth Year..." he broke off, muttering and scowling.  
  
Pansy could have sworn he said something about Viktor Krum.  
  
"Anyway, yeah, we're close. Why are you asking all these questions?"  
  
Pansy now found she had no answer.  
  
"Hold on, were you put up this? Are you a reporter in disguise?" Ron rose, drawing his wand. "What's the Secret Word?"  
  
Dear reader will please forgive the author for redacting the Secret Word of the Aurors and the MLES from this account (security through obscurity, of course).  
  
Satisfied, Ron sat back down. "Can we talk later, Pansy? I've got five days of parchment-work to catch up on. Why is there always so bloody much of it? It seems like all we ever do anymore is fill out forms indicating we've filled out other forms correctly."  
  
Pansy chose this moment to slip out of the office, for she knew the more action-oriented Ron Weasley could go on at some length about forms and redundancy.  
  
\---  
  
The Third Thing.  
  
Although initially satisfied, Pansy found the more she thought about the exchange in Ron's office the less she could draw any firm conclusions from it.  
  
She made a list:

> 1\. Ron liked Harry Potter  
> 2\. Ron disliked parchment-work  
> 3\. Viktor Krum??

  
She already knew the first two but perhaps she could follow up about Viktor Krum. She decided to ask Ginny on Saturday, when they met for lunch.

Saturday came and, on a lark, Pansy stopped in Quality Quidditch Supplies, as she only had a vague memory of Mr Krum from his brief stay at Hogwarts. She asked the proprietor and was shown a poster and the relevant section in _Bulgarian Quidditch Players, Past and Present, 6th ed._

Pansy studied the poster. Krum was not what Pansy considered an attractive man but she supposed he did have a certain intensity. Unfortunately, the biographic section was not particularly illuminating, providing only a very few superficial details of Krum's early life along with his many Quidditch accomplishments. Apparently, he guarded his private life closely.

Dissatisfied, Pansy decided it was time to head over to The Leaky Cauldron, where she discovered Ginny was already waiting, along with Draco Malfoy.

"Hello, Ginny, Draco," Pansy said. Ginny rose to give her a hug and Draco smiled.

"Pansy, it's been too long," Draco said, although in truth she had seen him last Thursday at dinner with her parents.

After they ordered their food and drinks from Hannah Abbott and made small talk Pansy decided it was time to get to business.

"Ginny," she said, "I have a question about your brother."

"You're going to have to narrow it down some," Ginny said, and picked up her pumpkin juice.

"It's about Ron."

Ginny nodded and took a sip.

"Is Ron..." Pansy trailed off. "Is Ron," she whispered, "is he a... a pouf?"

Ginny spit out her drink.

She exchanged glances with Draco and they shared identical smirks.

"Why, Pansy," Draco asked, "you didn't know?"

"Yeah," said Ginny, "didn't you wonder why things didn't work out with Hermione?"

"I'd never really thought about that," Pansy admitted.

"What tipped you off, anyway?" Ginny asked.

"Well, I thought I saw him with–never mind about that."

Draco and Ginny raised their eyebrows but held their tongues.

"The other day I was talking to him about Harry and it sounded like he said something about that Quidditch player, Viktor Krum, and he looked a bit grumpy."

"Oh, Pansy," Ginny said, "don't ever ask him about Krum. You see, Ron thought the world of him, went on and on about how great Krum was."

"He did?" Draco laughed.

"Yeah, but then it turned out Krum fancied Hermione and Ron went mad with jealousy."

"Wow!"

"But just don't give him too hard a time, Pansy. I don't think he's really comfortable with it yet, especially with mum being so... traditional."

"Of course not," Pansy said.

It continued on in this vein for some time, before they made leave from each other, leaving Pansy to ponder the possibilities.

Ron had no idea what he was in for.

\---

What Pansy Did Wrong.

Pansy considered her options. Above all else she wanted Ron to be comfortable and maintain their easy if occasionally acerbic relationship. She also wanted Ron to be comfortable with who he was, and to show him that, as his friend, she accepted him completely. Her childish fancy was over and she could certainly prove to be an unfailingly supportive friend. But how to go about doing this? It was evident that a light touch would be needed.

Then a name struck her: Lancelot Coverdale.

He was an occasional friend of hers, and a flamboyant wizard of some repute (mostly good, and certainly nothing unseemly had ever wound up in the press). What if she introduced Lance to Ron, to show him a wizard who was most certainly comfortably _out_ , and to show Ron her own level of comfort and acceptance? And if sparks just happened to fly, well all the better.

> _Lance,_
> 
> _Are you available Friday evening for drinks? I have a friend I'd like to introduce to you, Ron Weasley. You may have heard of him. He's a nice wizard but is not yet out in your society. But who knows, perhaps you'll click._
> 
> _Pansy_

  
She tied the small scroll to her owl's leg and sent her off. Lance quickly confirmed and all that was next was to ask Ron. She grabbed a handful of Floo powder and threw it in her fireplace.

"Ron? Are you there?"

"Yeah," Ron shouted, and soon came out of the kitchen looking somewhat messy. "Sorry for the state but I'm trying to cook dinner."

"That's no problem. I apologize for interrupting the chef."

"I'd invite you for dinner but it's shaping up to be a disaster, to be honest. I definitely don't have my mum's touch!" He smiled widely.

"Well, not all of us can be Molly Weasleys." Pansy shot him a smile back. "I was wondering if you were free Friday evening?"

"Oh. Oh, yeah," Ron said. "That sounds really nice." He ran his hand through his hair, leaving it extra messy and with a streak of _something_ through it. This managed to make him look charmingly cute instead of simply grubby.

"I've got a friend I'd like you to meet."

"Oh, well," Ron said, after a slight pause "I guess so."

"If you don't want–"

"No, no, that's fine." He smiled thinly. "I should probably get back to the war zone," he said, gesturing towards the kitchen. "See you at work tomorrow."

"Goodnight, Ron."

Pansy pulled her head from the fireplace.

Was it her imagination or had he seemed more excited before she mentioned a friend?

\---

Friday evening had Ron and Pansy sitting across from each other at a small table in The Dark Wizard, off Knockturn Alley.

"Hello-o, darling!"

Pansy and Ron looked up.

"Lance! You made it!"

They stood.

Lance's was a reedy wizard in tight, red robes with clashing pink hair slowly darkening to a violent magenta.

"Of course I did." He took Pansy's hand and kissed, before turning his attention to Ron. "I'm Lance and _you_ must be the famous Ron Weasley."

"Err, yeah, I suppose," Ron said, trying to catch Pansy's eye, though she was studiously avoiding his gaze.

"I've heard _so_ much about you, Ron. May I call you Ron?"

"Okay?" Ron asked with some confusion.

"My goodness, well look at you. Fabulous, I must say. Darling," Lance said, turning to Pansy, "you didn't tell me he was so tall! And those blue eyes!" He practically swooned into a chair. "I'm parched, shall we order drinks?"

Ron was looking increasingly puzzled. "Pansy?"

She placed her hand on his arm. "Let's just have a bit of fun, Ron, okay?"

He seemed to soften at her touch and said "okay."

The evening mostly went not-badly until a very pissed Lance sat on Ron's lap.

This was the point when Ron Disapparated, leaving most of his hair and a very startled Lance.

\---

"I don't understand, Harry," Ron said. "You know I'm rubbish with this sort of thing."

"Lavender. Hermione. Sarah." Harry counted them off on his fingers.

Ron's eyes narrowed.

"Mar–"

"Thanks, Harry." Ron cut him off. "But I thought things were going alright with Pansy."

"Yeah," Harry said.

"Then she says she wants to introduce me to a friend. I'm trying but I can't possibly figure out what she means by that so I go along with it." He rubbed his eyes with his palms. "We go to this seedy place in Knockturn Alley–I know," Ron help up a hand to forestall Harry, who looked like he was about to butt in. "Don't start with that."

Harry closed his mouth.

"This friend of hers turns out to be this incredibly flaming wizard. Almost literally! You should've seen his hair. He actually threw himself on me. That's when I got out of there." Ron sighed. "What am I supposed to make of that, Harry? Does she think I'm bent?"

"Well, let's see," said Harry. "You _are_ absolutely tragic when it comes to women. That might have tipped her off. Have you ever asked her to set you up with any of her male friends?"

"Don't be a prat, mate."

"Look, I don't actually see how someone could think you were gay. Maybe she thought you two would make good friends. I know this sounds crazy but you could be friends with a gay man."

"Really? Thanks, Harry!" Ron said with false enthusiasm. "I don't know why I even come to you for advice. Trevor would be more helpful."

"Ron, I honestly don't know what to tell you." Harry removed his glasses to clean them with his robes. "I don't know what she's thinking. So maybe you should ask her Monday."

"Yeah, I think I will." Ron stretched. "Anyway, we should turn on the wireless, the game's about to start.

"Yeah," said Harry, flicking his wand at the set. "Want a beer?"

"Sure mate. Hey, did you catch that Cannons game the other night? It was really horrible."

\---

Monday.

_Knock, knock, knock._

"Come in," Pansy Parkinson said from within her office in MLES Building 2.

The door opened and Ron Weasley entered, closing the door behind himself. Somewhat uncharacteristically he remained silent, standing in front of the door, staring at her.

His gaze making her nervous and almost breathless, Pansy drew her wand. " _Muffliato!_ Ron, I'm really sorry about Friday night. I don't know what I was thinking with Lance. It was a big mistake but can we please just drop it, at least for now. Corbin Corbel was caught last night."

"Wait, what? He was?" Most of the steam had now gone out of Ron, but his curiosity was piqued.

"Yes, but we're trying to sort out the forms and it looks like there may have been procedural errors during his apprehension."

"Is that why I haven't heard of it?"

"Yes, we're trying to keep it quiet. If we have to release him and the papers find out it was due to a technicality they'll have a field day, especially Rita Skeeter."

"Shite."

"That's why the forms you hate filling out and the procedures are actually important, you ninny. It's not just parchment-work for the sake of parchment-work."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah," Ron said, grabbing the door handle. "Look, I should probably leave you to it and go do... something, I think."

Pansy arched an eyebrow.

Ron stepped through the doorway and closed the door.

\---

Tuesday next.

Things seemed mostly back on track with Ron and Pansy, if two people talking about everything but their interest in one another could be called on track. That is until Pansy's brother's old flatmate, Iain MacMurtry, came to London.

Pansy was dining with Ron at The Leaky Cauldron when, much to Pansy's surprise, Iain came down the stairs.

"Iain!" she practically screamed, leaping from her seat. "It's been ages! I've missed you loads."

"Pansy!" Iain picked Pansy up in a big bear hug. This was, admittedly, an impressive sight. Iain was taller even than Ron, but stocky, with long dark hair and a beard nearly rivaling Hagrid's. He was also wearing a kilt. He set Pansy down.

"Iain," Pansy said, "this is Ron Weasley. Ron, this is Iain MacMurtry."

Iain stuck out a great hand for Ron to shake. "Pleased to meet you, mate."

"Same," said Ron, with a bit of a glower.

"Pansy?" Iain turned towards her. "Is this the bloke you've–"

"Iain! Shh!" She gave his arm a punch. "Anyway, what are you doing in London?"

"Me granda passed last month so I'm sorting out his account at Gringotts. Bloody goblins tell me it'll take three days to verify the death before they can close his account. Tossers."

"Oh, I didn't know about that, Iain. I'm really sorry."

"'salright. Grouchy git was one hundred and thirteen. He canna complain." Iain shook his hair. "Look, Pans, I'll be right back. I need to pay Ms Abbott for my room." He walked over to the bar to converse with the blonde witch.

"Old friend?" Ron asked, eyebrows raised.

"He and my brother used to live together, before Iain moved back to Scotland."

"Ah. Seems like an alright guy."

"It's hard to believe from the way he looks but he's really a sweet guy, Ron. Can I tell you something?"

"Course."

Pansy leaned in, her mouth close to Ron's ear, her breath warm against his cheek and neck. "Iain likes wizards. Would you believe that?"

Taken aback, Ron pulled away. "What?"

"He does." Pansy nodded. "You don't have to be a wizard like Lancelot to like other wizards."

Ron blinked a few times, then shook his head.

"Iain likes playing Quidditch, too, and wrestling."

It was at this point Iain returned, clapping a large hand on Ron's back.

"She's right, mate," Iain said. "I work hard and I play hard."

"Uh, look, Iain. I think I need to get going."

Ron left The Leaky Cauldron without saying another word to Pansy.

"Did I say something wrong, Pans?" Iain asked.

"No, I think I did," Pansy said glumly.

\---

"I don't understand, Hermione," Ron said. "First there was Lancelot and then this guy, Iain. I don't even think Pansy was expecting to see him, and after Lancelot things seemed to be back on track. But then she makes a point of telling me Iain's a pouf, but that you don't have to be a _pouf_ pouf to like men."

"Honestly, Ron!" Hermione exclaimed. "Why do you fancy Pansy? Are you trying to out-Lavender Lavender and pick the girl most likely to drive me mad?" She sighed. "Okay, that wasn't really fair of me. But what about Maria? I always liked her, you know."

"I think that's a burned bridge now, Hermione. You know I'm rubbish when it comes to women," Ron said sadly.

"Oh, Ron," Hermione said with more tenderness than he thought he'd ever heard from her before, at least towards him. "It's not only you. It wasn't just you." She gave him a small smile. "You can't tell this to anyone else but I can make big mistakes, too."

"Hermione!" said Ron, "I can't believe you said that."

They both laughed.

"So, Pansy thinks you're..." She waved her hand a bit.

"Guess so. Dunno why, though."

"Hmm, I'm not sure, either." Hermione chewed her lip. She pulled a quill from her bag and started tapping the side of her head. "Wait, I have an idea!"

"What is it?"

"Pansy's sort of friends with Ginny now, because of–"

"Please don't remind me," Ron grimaced.

"Anyway, maybe I could ask Ginny."

"No, then she'll tell George and I'll never hear the end of it."

"What if I asked something like 'Ginny, Pansy seems to have a certain, inaccurate impression of Ron. Would you have any ideas as to how she may have got such an impression?' Would that work?"

"I suppose so," said Ron.

"Great, let me grab a piece of paper."

"Great." Ron's tone indicated he didn't think this was particularly great, but he did walk over to Ulric's cage and got the owl along with an owl treat for Ulric to nibble.

When Hermione was done writing she tied the slip to Ulric's leg and sent him out the window to find Ginny.

"Spot of tea?" asked Ron.

\---

They did not have to wait more than half an hour before Ulric returned with a reply, scribbled on the bottom of Hermione's note. Hermione read this and blanched, then handed the note to Ron.

> _Hermione,_
> 
> _Pansy was asking some questions a few weeks ago and I may possibly have helped lead her to believe Ron was gay._
> 
> _Oops._
> 
> _Please don't tell him. Or mum!_
> 
> _Ginny_

  
"Ginny!" Ron practically shouted.  
  
"Ron, don't worry about her right now," Hermione said in a placating tone. "I'll go give her a piece of my mind. You go talk to Pansy and sort this out. It sounds like she was well-meaning."  
  
"Pansy's idea of well-meaning isn't really very helpful. First Draco, now this!"  
  
Hermione gave Ron a _look_.  
  
"Fine, fine. I'll go to Pansy's," Ron said. He muttered "stupid little sisters," before Disapparating with a _crack_.  
  
\---  
  
How Ron Made It Right.  
  
 _Knock, knock, knock._  
  
Pansy Parkinson opened the door to her flat, looking flustered, disheveled, sad, and utterly appealing.  
  
Ron Weasley was standing on the landing, looking uncertain, slightly aggravated, and utterly appealing.  
  
"Hi," said Ron.  
  
"Look, Ron, I'm really sorry–"  
  
"No, Pansy. Apparently Ginny gave you the impression that I was gay, right?"  
  
"Well, yes, but I _did_ ask her about it."  
  
"You thought I was?"  
  
"I thought," she paused. "I used to think...this is hard. It never occurred to me but then I saw you with _him_."  
  
"Huh? Him who? Harry? I know we spend a lot of time together, but..."  
  
"Not him," she answered. " _Him_."  
  
"Pansy, I still don't follow."  
  
"I saw you in Diagon Alley together a couple weeks ago..."  
  
Ron looked blank.  
  
"Holding hands," Pansy said. "Then he kissed you."  
  
"Oh!" Ron nearly jumped, everything becoming clear. "That was Tonks! She was in disguise from a mission. She was trying to make me blush!"  
  
"Tonks?"  
  
"Yeah. So then you went to Ginny and asked her and she said I was gay?"  
  
"Pretty much. Those questions about Harry, too," she mumbled.  
  
"That's why you introduced me to Lance and said what you said about Iain, right?"  
  
"Yes, Ron." Pansy was blushing now.  
  
"Iain seems like a nice guy but just so it's clear I don't like wizards." Ron stepped closer. "I prefer witches."  
  
Pansy started smiling. "Do you?"  
  
Ron smiled. "Prefer them a lot, actually."  
  
Pansy made a small humming noise, feeling almost giddy. "You do?"  
  
"I do." Ron laughed. "I really do."  
  
"That's good," Pansy nearly whispered. She slowly tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. "Did you know there's a witch who fancies you?"  
  
"Is there?"  
  
Pansy nodded and tilted her head up. "There is."  
  
"Good." Ron's tongue touched the corner of his mouth. "Good."  
  
"You already said that."  
  
Pansy's mouth was open slightly, eyes locked with Ron's eyes.  
  
They kissed.  
  
end

 


End file.
